“Thank you for making me feel welcomed.” Kenda approached me after class.
I’d provided her with alternatives and cues for movements to accommodate her limitations.
Afterwards, she shared how being a bigger person impacted how she moved throughout the world. For her, the physical restrictions influenced her daily decisions. Sometimes it was asking whether there were stairs or elevators before agreeing to an outing. And other times it was having to wait for help to pick up an item from the floor because she fears having a fall.
Regardless of the health issues that make regaining her strength and losing some weight feel impossible - she chooses to show up.
With a smile she said, “I’ve been going to physical therapy for some time…and now I can get off the ground. My dream is to one day be able to climb up the Culver City Stairs… And coming to this class today was another step. I know if I continue putting in the work, I’ll slowly get to where I want to.”
That same week, I met Jaclyn, a sleep deprived but somehow functioning, 46 year old single Mom. As we spoke at the parking lot of Stoneview Nature Center, she hoisted her 3 year old from arm to shoulders and back onto her hip.
The conversation jumped from sleep studies, intentional life decisions (like having a kid on her own), dreams of being a published author, starting a service based business that taught children music and landing on what wellbeing looked like for her.
That’s when she said “Even if it’s just 10 minutes - it counts!” Somedays, she would arrive 15 minutes before childcare closed at her local gym, and still jump onto a cardio machine to get some movement in. While others would see it as a misfortune, she pocketed it as a win.
While Kenda and Jaclyn are on two different journeys, they exemplified what resilience is: having the courage to redefine success, stay committed to their wellbeing, and adjust their efforts to where they are at this very moment.
It’s not about doing more, or even less; it’s about identifying as someone who stands for their health no matter what that looks like. It’s integrating habits, systems, and frameworks that align with who you are becoming.
When it comes to this whole health and wellness movement, the biggest challenge isn’t not knowing what to do, or how to do it.
It is trying to bypass the identity shift that is required to do the work and reach your goals.
The truth is if you woke up tomorrow with all your fitness goals accomplished - you would not be able to sustain them because you never learned what it takes to do so.
Becoming someone who truly cares about their wellbeing requires you to show up differently in the world. From the decisions you make, the relationship you build with yourself (and others) to what you do when no one is watching.
Today we will explore the challenges, what it takes and how to embrace the identity shift that no one talks about when it comes to your wellbeing.
The Hard Part:
Identity shifts feel so challenging because they disrupt a deep sense of who we are psychologically, emotionally and socially.
During the transition of becoming someone else, you might feel “lost” or struggle to make decisions because sometimes there are no (or too many) examples of what might come next.
You might feel conflicted because your new identity does not fit the societal or cultural expectations.
And ultimately, there is the grief from “lossing” who you were and the role you played.
The hard part of it all shows up in things like:
- the conversations you may need to have with people to explain why you’re not eating certain foods anymore
- overcoming the analysis paralysis of what is the “right” choice for your health
- being in discomfort while trying to learn a new skill instead of returning to the familiar
Despite the heaviness that comes with this transition, it does not mean it’s impossible.
With a bit of support, reflection, and meaning-making you can integrate the new identity or replace the old in a healthy way.
Overcoming:
A while back, I read a book called How Minds Change by David McRaney that explained how people hold on to beliefs and identities (that no longer align with them) because of the fear of being socially outcast. Being part of a community that holds similar beliefs provides people with a sense of psychological safety.
It started making sense as to why people are willing to lose their sovereignty just to be part of a group.
While belonging is what kept people from changing, it was also the thing that encouraged people to transition.
The Social Identity Model of Change is a psychological framework that explains how being part of social groups impacts individuals well-being during transitions.
There are two social group pathways that support identity shifts:
- Social Identity Continuity: Maintaining pre-existing social groups to preserve a consistent sense of self
- Social Identity Gain: Acquiring new social groups to buffer the losses of the old identity
This means that we are more willing to step into a new identity when we are part of a community that supports that. It can be membership to a current group or it might be seeking out a new group.
The point? You don’t have to do it alone…find your support systems. Whether it’s your spouses, friends, class instructors, coaches and even being part of a meet up group- surround yourself with people who are willing to cheer you on through your processes of becoming.
Embracing the Shift:
Doing something you’ve never done before requires a different version of you. One that has skillsets, habits and a new thought process. And that does not happen overnight.
A lot of newbies believe creating change is all about will power or pure grit. It’s not about force. It is about connecting with what you have to gain instead of what you’re losing, and expanding your relationship with yourself.
Becoming someone who cares about their health and wellbeing means treating yourself differently.
It is showing yourself grace instead of criticism.
It is recognizing how your self-talk impacts your actions.
It is embracing the difficulties of uncertainty with curiosity instead of fear.
Only YOU get to create a life that backs up what you believe.
And if you’re struggling to truly understand what you need to do next, answer the following:
If I were someone who cared about my wellbeing what would I prioritize, what would be non-negotiable and how would I approach decisions?
Make a list for each: Priorities /Non-Negotiables/ Decision-Making
Write down what it would look like for YOU. Not what other people say it is.
For example, for kenda it showed up when she decided to try a new fitness class. For Jaclyn it looks like prioritizing movement regardless of how long it is. For me it’s having a set bedtime to promote recovery.
As you continue to step into your new identity your list might expand, or become more specific. The intention is to begin taking action as if you’ve already arrived.
Creating a health conscious identity shift is not about following a fitness program or nutritional plan. It impacts how you move through the world, and what you stand for.
And that’s what people forget to realize- saying your care about your health isn’t the same thing as actually following through. That requires identifying as someone who commits, who believes, who does hard things, who is resilient …and much more.
Remember that every step you take today is proof of who you're becoming tomorrow.
-Milchu “Shifting” Perez